Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need water and some morals
Randomize
