Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
