sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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