just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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