I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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