Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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