just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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