I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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