Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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