return my video game
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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