you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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