Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
