so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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