one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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