Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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