Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
