the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
