in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
