the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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