you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
