You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
