I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
