She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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