Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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