It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
