I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
