All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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