this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
