Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
