new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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