the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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