??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
