She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
