its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
