Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We are all done wearing pants today
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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