My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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