I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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