your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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