WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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