I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
