Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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