Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
