those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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