He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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