Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
