So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
