Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
