You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
