How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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