since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
