Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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