She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
