You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
