Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
