just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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