Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
