I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
