If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize