I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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