Apparently you make a good broom.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
