he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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