Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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