So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
