I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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