Porn is love you can see.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
