Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
