it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
