i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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