Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You can't motorboat a personality
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
