I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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