i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Found your dick twin last night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
