dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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