Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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