the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
