I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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