I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
