apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
