he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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