What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
