I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
