so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
