The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
