I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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