Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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