Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
